Breathing With

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11.2.
Often when coming home, I recognize how some neighbors have some extra look in front of the door of the flats, in order to protect their flats from thiefs. When we moved in we decided to not put that. We were so broke that we simply could not afford it. Each time when passing by one of the neighbor´s doors, I tell myself: There is not much a thief could get from our flat to begin with. The most valuable stuff in our apartment are four mac book pros. Two owned by Otso and me, and two owned by the university.

This is how I want to start thinking about privilege.
I would like to start thinking about privilege in a personal tone, starting by looking around the very immediate surrounding.

Zu sagen “white privilege” ist mir zu abstrakt. Weisssein ist eines meiner Privilegien. Ich möchte mich aber verwundbarer machen. Denn: was produziert es wenn ich in Mitten von weissen Menschen über mein weisses Privileg nachdenke?

If there is a person of color and I address my white privilege, this is for me more political than thinking about my white privilege with another white privileged person.

Therefore, I think, that if, you and me, we want to tackle privilege we need to start looking the very immediate surrounding we are in. The life we live.

To me privilege has something to do with thoughts around property, with ownership. And there maybe one aspect is immediately white privilege. Since historically white people have been the carriers of property. They owned slaves. Being white, one is born with a sense of “natural” sense of having the right to own sth. / sb. . This brings me also to think about the privilege of feeling entitled. But, now again, I abstract my actual situation, instead of remaining where I am and ask myself how do I live my life that is based on privileges.

A privilege - something that a majority of people does not have. Privileges are for individuals or small groups. Privileges are entitlements produced through racialization, by birth, rules, social capital/class, that enhance the living of the privileged. 


One day I inherit two houses. A privilege.

I have a permanent job in an art university -  I wonder if that is a privilege. It brings with it many constraints but since many artists would like to have a permanent job, I consider it a privilege. 

I hold the only lectureship in Choreography in the Finland. – a privilege.

Together with my partner I could get a loan from the bank to buy an apartment. – a privilege
But also, the bank owns this apartment until my partner is 83 and I am 77. Until we have paid off the loan.


I live in a country where I don’t speak the language. But I can move through the country with English. 

I speak four languages fluently and have studied in four countries, have degrees from four different educational frames/universities.  – a privilege

I can send my kids to private school and daycare. But also at the end of the month, at times, we only have potatoes with salad because we ran out of money.

I am married to someone who has a full-time permanent job at an art school. I rely on his salary.  – a privilege
He earns 4.200 /month. But also we pay 2.000 for the loan/apartment, 1.000 for food, 600 for school and daycare, 300,00 for the health insurance for our kids plus phone. Plus different bills, and/or clothes, shoes for two children.
His salary is often not enough so that we need to use my salary of 855,00 to make it through the month. We can barely put money aside and save money.

I have given a seminar where my co-teacher and I had invited a person from the feminist culture house Helsinki. Their name is orlan. Orlan was very clear how it is important to be transparent about the budget of a project but also be open about one´s own economic situation. Since: 100,00 is not the same for everyone.

I don’t know how I ended up here. ,-)
I guess the point was to try to describe how I live and through that make myself vulnerable, put the cards on the table, and then in a next step discuss privileges.













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Errant Body Press

das Buch nicht als ein Container, den wir füllen müssen.  Vielleicht eher davon ausgehen, dass da schon was steht, that the pages have already started to be,
how to disclose what is already there?

attending also to the materiality of the pages, of the pastes of turning the pages.
Are there some pages that are verklebt, that hold together?Are there different kinds of papers?


co-writers:
the paper
the ink
traces of thoughts expressed in words by Lisa densem, miriam jakob, jana unmüßig, 

or all in dialogues?

or rather trialogues (e.g. lisa, du, ich / marten, du, ich)


auszüge aus den interviews mit martial, petra etc.

allem in allem 30 seiten?



















8.4.
Notizen während dem Interview mit Martial:

"sich in der Spannung kennenlernen"
Rosen Ausbildung: "eine lange Ausbildung der Hand"

"Das Wachsen der Emotion ist ein langer Prozess"

"was Trauma mit dem Körper macht"

__"normaler Atem, der der sich verändert" "normaler Atem passt sich dem Atem an"__


"ich suche nach der Stelle, wo ein Gefühl von Kontakt entsteht"




30.3.2021

topics/questions to be addressed:
overall question:
How to write about breathing as artists/artists-researchers?
What status has theory in our thinking? How do we define practice? What is the relation between theoretical references and what we identify a practice?

More specific subquestions / topics:
breath as a phenomenon that connects humans and more-than-humans: referring to people that think explicitly about breathing: text of ingold, gorska?
In which body does breath appear? How do we describe the human and more-than-human body? 
From which position do we think both, breath and body?






10.12.20

Thinking out loud (no editing) after the presentation yesterday


- i had an emotional need to come a bit closer for this presentation at HZT, after the experience of Tanznacht.
I really liked the presentation yesterday. It felt almost healing. I can say this now because I have realized that the Tanznacht presentation was kind of harmful. 
i dont want to unfold much on my feelings around tanznacht now. but I think it why I bring it up is because I think it is 
important to speak up when presenting work does not feel right.


- it felt really great doing the abécédaire with you! DANKE. it was really interesting to understand that we had no big 
conversation or fight or what so ever in committing to the words.

- the question of space in your work and the question of space in my work; in particular in relation to 'older'works.
I found that an interesting comment NIk brought up. I was thinking later that I think I can see how a concern fo space has been in our repsective artistic pratcies in the past.
space making is important to me. 

- the abécédaire as structure.it would be nice to publish it in the research catalogue cause there you can spread it out more.
less linear - up to down - but more like a map.


- 












I am a survivor.\\
\\
die Behutsamkeit auch in der Sprache, die sich wie ein Film auf einen legt.\\

I don´t need to keep it up.\\

der Atem entzieht sich dem Willen. \\

Die Tischplatte war schief.\\

Mein Körper wie ein 3D Print, eine Landschaft aus Hügeln, Bergen und Tälern.\\

I need to sense my body in order to make sense of all the different locations the puzzle pieces fall into.\\

Bestimmte Pfade und Muster heben sich sehr klar hervor. Diese Klarheit wiederum [...] wie eine Anerkennung dessen, was ist ohne sofort verändern zu müssen. 

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20.11.20
Yann Moulier-Boutang; intro to Cognitive Capitalism
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tzQTZGFcfT0

Miriam@Jana: nach unserer kurzen Schreibpraxis ist mir dieser Satz geblieben "I am a survivor" 
Ich habe dazu letztens einen Post auf FB gesehen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZeBuP7VCJyM&fbclid=IwAR3EibJxZfYwV18M_QQNVeE5ksRiqi4O0acw-c5mXpMxh7nNhWnpkuDt3qQ